It’s love that has the power to heal us, yet again, it’s the same love that destroys us.
Relationships are a coexistent part of life, yet they are constantly evolving. Sometimes, we start to identify ourselves with our relationships and ultimately lose our sense of self. As humans, we are all seeking validation and love, whether through our success or by our ability to give to others. In our most authentic essence, we are seeking genuine connection.
We stay stuck in the same cycle because we often believe that we are not good enough, especially when we grow up in an environment where the physical and emotional needs of the children are not met. We grow up believing that we need others to complete us and continue to cling to relationships that aren’t good for us just because we firmly believe that something is lacking within us. We stay in relationships that aren’t healthy for us.
The cycle won’t end until you choose to deal with it and make choices in your life from a place of safety and security.
Regulate Your Emotions
Leaving a toxic relationship isn’t easy. Even with all the abuse, you may have gone through, there is a part of you that still believes that it was true love, that you should have tried more, or even that you have made a mistake by leaving. As humans, we have the habit of overgeneralizing everything. Learn to recognize and regulate your emotions. “My whole life is so bad,” no, it’s not; you are just “having a bad day or week.”
Seek support in form therapy, journaling, and mindfulness. You can only break these cycles if you can understand yourself better.
Allow Yourself Time to Heal
Don’t rush to jump from one phase of emotions to another. Allow yourself time to heal yourself. Feel what you feel and process it. This could come in different ways for every individual. There may be days when you wouldn’t want to leave the house or do what you must in your routine. Be compassionate towards yourself.
Over the years of practice, meditation is one tool that can help you to heal internally. It allows you the space to go within and understand those things deeply that you may not be able to communicate or may not be apparent to you.
Get to Know Yourself Better
Often, when we are in a relationship, we start to relate to ourselves from the perception of our partner. Take time to get to know yourself for who you are. Imagine meeting yourself from a place of curiosity and understanding yourself. What are your needs? What are your priorities and your values? What are your achievements? What inspires you? All those things that make you who you are.
We forget ourselves in fighting the battles that have been brought to us. Learn to get to know yourself again; you may be surprised by how much you have evolved.
Fill Up Your Cup
Life can be exhausting. Take a break to fill up your cup and recharge yourself. Invest in yourself and things that please you that light up your face. Connect with people who you can be yourself with. Explore your hobbies; who were you before your relationship, or who are you now? How do you want to grow in your career? How do you want to grow as a person?
When you change your focus from the outside world to the internal world, things start to shift around you. It’s the love that you have within that translates and flows into the world around you.