Why does this always happen to me?! By Alma Wellbeing
A guide to becoming more flexible in your thinking.
Do you ever find yourself stuck in similar thoughts or emotions and you keep asking yourself, why does this always happen to me?!
Well, you are not the only one that this is happening to and neither is it happening over and over again. It is merely your response to certain situations and your perspective that is unchanged.
Our subconscious is more powerful than what we imagine for it to be and usually it is running the show. According to research, 95% of our day is driven by our subconscious mind. Most of us get up and go by our usual morning routine every morning, then we drive to work by the same route, and the list of actions on repeat goes on and on. it is as if we are living on autopilot every day. For example, when we first learn to drive to work, we really have to concentrate on finding the way, and our conscious brain is in control. Quickly, the route becomes familiar and we can drive without thinking. That’s because driving has become a subconscious habit, something we do without really trying to.
What really happens is that when we rely on this autopilot mode, we get stuck into a rigid thinking pattern. What that means is that we stop seeing things for what they are and we keep using perceptions from our old memory bank to label events, people, and experiences. Our subconscious mind is a product of our past experiences. So an individual who has experienced a happy and loving childhood, and stable and safe adulthood is likely to have a more positive thought process as compared to someone who has experienced a difficult childhood, unstable relationships, and bad experiences in adulthood. If we’re not careful, our past can keep us stuck in auto-pilot interpreting and responding to the world in the same way, repeatedly.
For example, if someone with a certain nationality has messed with you in the past and has really caused you harm. Your pattern-matching mind might then automatically assume the person you meet next from this country is also untrustworthy. You will naturally feel anxious and avoid encountering such situations. What you don’t know is, the next person that you meet from this country could be the missing link and could change your life for the better. Here lies the BIG problem with stiff thinking. When we rely on our subconscious brain to pattern-match back to the past, we become stuck in old fears and prejudices, preventing change.
Having flexible thinking can help us to look at situations from a fresh perspective. Which helps us to break the cycle of rigid thinking patterns.
Connect With Your Emotions
Take a moment to understand how you really feel. Confront and accept your emotions truthfully without any judgments. Allow yourself to understand why you feel the way you feel. Understand if it is the present moment that is making you feel this way or if the present moment is acting as a trigger for you. Do not jump to conclusions without investigating your feelings rigorously. Take this as an opportunity to truly understand yourself and what triggers you. Below are a few questions that you can ask yourself to check in with yourself :
How does my mind feel today?
How can I change my energy?
Is this thought even true?
What would it feel like without this thought?
Choose Your Emotions
Of Course, it is not easy to jump from one emotion to another especially when you are experiencing something so intensely. But chances are, if you have done the introspection (above part), and have connected with your emotions it will be easier for you to turn your negative/ aggressive emotion into a positive emotion. You can ask yourself such as :
How would I advise a friend experiencing what I am now?
What would I like to experience instead of this?
Any therapy only works if you commit to it. There is no magic that happens overnight. It is a process to break our old thinking patterns and plant new seeds of neutrality and optimistic thinking. Things can only change if we commit to responding to life with intention, be the most compassionate version of ourselves, and live a life aligned with our values.
Instead of asking “Why is this happening to me?” you can ask yourself “What is the learning from this?”.
We all go through experiences that take a toll on our self-esteem and make us doubtful in regards to our abilities to evolve and progress as human beings. Each one of us is born with extraordinary potential and each one of us gets the opportunities to turn our lives around. But sometimes our own thoughts become the roadblock in our way of success. Learn to set yourself free from these limiting beliefs that are not serving you anymore and live up to your potential.
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